Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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