Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
