Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
birth control should be required to get into college
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
