yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
