his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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