the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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