yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize