we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
