Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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