After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
