I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
