I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Your cock deserves a montage
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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