i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have tasted many bathrooms
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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