Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
