My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
