I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
