uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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