so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
