i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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