Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
