if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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