Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
