It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You are the jesus of drinking
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
