HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
