Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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