well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i dont even know how to be here
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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