OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
