I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize