I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
