Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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