Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
