then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
