I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
