apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I smell like Dick and happiness
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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