then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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