Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
