some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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