haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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