i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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