I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
