There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
