Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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