Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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