Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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