Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
