she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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