I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
