if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
