she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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