this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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