I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
