dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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