im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
