Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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