oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
