New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
