I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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