the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
