8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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