im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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