marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
