i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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