i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
