I cannot find my penis.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize