My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
