Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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